Dating now is definitely not how my parents would describe it to be from back in the day.
No, I don’t want to “Netflix and Chill”, I want to be pursued and “courted” correctly.
Being that I am 30, soon to be 31, I will honestly say that my standard for dating is way different then when I was below 25. I’m just here trying to get my life together and Level Up in life, love and business.So I sat here thinking of the main topics that my girlfriends would chat about and yes you guessed correctly, dating is the one we will sit and talk about how everything is going. I only have one friend that is married and the rest of us is single. But with us being single it’s reasons behind it; we have dealt with bad breakups, met some fuck boys (sorry I’m just being honest), meeting those good ones at the wrong time (yes, there is a wrong time to meet someone) and we are the new age women, it’s all about our money and moving up. But then after a conversation with Brandi, she was telling me that her co-worker randomly said something that stuck out to her “Black women are having a hard time dating because they are Michelle looking for their Barack” and honestly I can see where he is going with that statement. When you hear the story of Barack and Michelle Obama, we know that she was a lawyer and he was working a summer job at the law firm that she worked at and ended up being his advisor (you can read more here). Long story short, she eventually over time decided to let him take her out on a date. Everything about their relationship and how they grew with each other is basically goals to many black millennial women. So why is it so hard for us to truly date in 2017?
Negative Comments from Black Men
“The fact that you have a degree isn’t really “attractive” to most men who are looking for a mate”- Random Facebook Post
Yes sis, you read that quote correctly, and if you are like me you have to stop, think about it and read it again just to be sure you read it correctly.
Sometimes I think that men can be intimidated with a woman who could possibly make more money than him and with the talks with my dad and several close guy friends, it could be true to some. Just like the young man in the post stated
“straight men aren’t looking for a protector or provider, those are our jobs”
You have to think, are black women supposed to stop doing what they need to do in progressing in their lives? What is wrong with the girl who went to undergrad? What is wrong with the girl who has 5 sources of income because she knows that she has bills to pay and a lifestyle that she wants to live? We are the fastest growing group of entrepreneurs (don’t believe me, Forbes.com said it).I don’t want to bash black men at all but sometimes that ego will have them missing out the greatness of these ladies just because she might make a couple thousand dollars more than him. But if the relationship blooms, doesn’t he want the correct teammate to be sure the household is always in tact? Truly I feel that negative comments makes use become hesitant to dating but there are more factors as well.
The Girl With a Type
Do you have that certain “type” of guy that you just feel like he is the man of your dreams? You know, well dressed, well mannered, good job and all that good stuff; or maybe you like the guy who is totally opposite of you. Let me be truthful with you, yes I am the friend who says “girl maybe you need to step outside the box” but then I am also the friend that has went outside that box and it didn’t work out for me either. Its a catch 22 and we want nothing but the best for ourselves and our girls.
Brandi hit this post (if you missed it, read more here) on the nail, we just need to Level Up when it comes to the choices of men that we decide to give our time to and not waste anymore time.
Make That Time and Say Yes
I don’t want to be the 70 year old lady with 5 cats (eww) and I’m sure you don’t either. We are wrapped up in our careers and/or businesses, our days usually go on schedule 7 days a week. It might be a gentleman who has been trying to get your attention and the only thing you will tell him is a flat “NO, I don’t have the time”. How are you going to Level Up in love but you can’t even go on one date? Now if he is asking for a Netflix date, then I would say no too sis (lol).
But if he has put it out there that he wants to get to know you more, wants to take you out and truly try, then sis you need to stop playing with him.
We do get wrapped up in work. We want to climb that corporate ladder and that sometimes mean more work hours, working weekends and taking on more tasks. You know like Gabriel Union in Daddy’s Little Girls and your coworkers and friends are telling everyone you don’t have a outside life. Don’t stop the money at all sis, but just like I feel in order for us to not lose ourselves we must take some time for “self”, going on that one date is your “me” time. We can’t be around here saying we want to Level Up but not even trying. Even if you don’t have a current suitor, go out with the girls, network and have an amazing time.
Let’s just be patient, the right guy is going to come to you sis. If he is the wrong one, you better hurry up and tell him “to the left, to the left” because you do not have time for his shenanigans. But also remember that if you are still working on self, then you really don’t need to rush anything as well. Get the money, the love will come your way! What trouble do you have with dating? Have you tried online dating? Have friends attempted to set you up on a date? We’re here to help each other and get it together!