Got Relationship Questions? Relationship Coach + Blogger + Author Troy Spry Has the Answers.
Kenya and I have both gone through a lot when it comes to dating and relationships with the opposite sex in the past 12 months (we’ve shared a little of what we have gone through here on the blog but we would have to write the 2017 version of “Waiting to Exhale” if we wanted to share everything with you because its truly book worthy). And we assume that a few of our Sisters/readers have been struggling right along with us in the “love” department. Since our mission this year it to “level up in life, love, and business with our Sisters by our side” we thought it would be a good idea to get some questions answered from a relationship coach! Beauties meet Troy. Husband, father, relationship blogger, relationship coach, author.
“I coach clients daily on how to get out of their own way in love”.- Troy
For the readers who haven’t been introduced to Troy tell us about yourself? What inspired you to become a relationship blogger, coach, author?
My name is Troy Spry and I really am just a regular man with a wife and daughter who is trying to utilize his gift in order to impact the world in a positive way.
I’ve found my purpose to be to help people become better people so they can become better mates, so that we can build better relationships and better communities.
My gift of writing helped me to start my blog (www.xklusivethoughts.com/blog/) and as I realized the positive impact the words were having on people the blog turned into me becoming a coach, speaker, and then author. None of this was planned, it was all me just walking in the purpose God gave me.
The growth of my movement has been very organic and I think it’s because I talk about everyday things that everyday people go through.
My inspiration comes from the people who tell me how my words or my book or my talk or whatever platform I’m on has helped change their dating life or their friend’s life or their relationship or marriage.
Craziest thing you have ever done in the name of love?
I know one thing…
I chased my wife for an entire year trying literally win her heart and although I finally won it.
I must say that now that I’m older I look back and think about how crazy I actually was! It was an emotional rollercoaster for the ages but I don’t encourage anyone to take the path that I took.
Favorite break up song/ love song?
Uncle Sam: I Don’t Ever Wanna See You Again
Jagged Edge: Gotta Be
There is a girl right now in an unhappy relationship, settling for less than she deserves, & holding on to man that’s only intended to be temporary in her life. What would you say to that girl if she came to you for advice?
I would first have her talk to me about what it is she truly values in life and in a mate and help her to see what it is she truly wants compared to what she is currently getting. I would then ask her why she feels that this is all she deserves.
I would then help her to figure out what her own value is so that she can understand…
The gap between what she wants and what she is settling for simply depends on how she feels about her.
Ultimately instead of just giving advice I like for people to participate in self-discovery. People commit more to things when they come to their own conclusions vs. me just preaching at them.
A healthy relationship is…
Full of love, trust, reciprocation, communication, and intimacy.
The hardest part about relationships…
Being single …
Is FREEDOM and a season for self-discovery and personal growth.
I see so many women being judged for what some view as a pattern of picking “bad men”. People are quick to tell these women to choose better mates. Why do you think people aren’t as quick to encourage men to grow up and become better men?
I think a lot of this just has to do with the nature of men just naturally not being as vocal. The squeaky wheel gets the oil many times and those who are more likely to be discussing relationships in private and public are more likely to be women, thus you see a lot of advice geared towards women.
Men aren’t having those conversations as openly but that doesn’t mean men shouldn’t be seeking answers.
One of the things I try to do through my movement is give men a voice and a platform to express feelings and concerns about relationships, but I also hold men to a high level accountability.
We can’t tell women to choose better men if we aren’t going to be the better men we are asking them to choose.
Truthfully we all need to do better, be better, and choose wisely.
Is cheating a deal breaker or can couples heal & move on after one person has cheated?
I don’t think it has to be a deal breaker but consistent cheating can’t be tolerated because ultimately you are teaching that person that their behavior is okay.
When cheating does occur though and the relationship is continued there is a healing process that comes along with it and that can be challenging but people can get through it.
Sometimes couples even come out better because they are forced to get to deeper issues in the relationship that maybe they avoided before. It takes lots of communication, trust rebuilding, openness, and patience but mature and committed people can do it.
Top 3 signs/ red flags that he is not the one/ not ready for a healthy relationship?
They can’t be clear about their intentions and goals for the relationship.
If someone can’t be sure about what it is they want, then you have a problem from the beginning.They are selfish or self-centered.
If someone consistently exhibits selfish behavior then they aren’t ready for a healthy relationship.
A relationship is about serving someone else and it’s about selflessness.
If they can’t communicate.
Communication is foundational to a healthy relationship so if the person shuts down when it’s time to communicate or if they can’t handle their emotions during conflict then you will struggle in a relationship with them.
This seems to be a popular topic on Twitter. Who is responsible for paying for the rent/mortgage in a relationship? Should the man be responsible? Should the couple splits the rent? If the woman makes more than the man is the rent her responsibility?
I believe that answer simply comes down to what the two people agree upon in the partnership. The key is that whatever is agreed to that everyone holds up their end of the bargain. Every situation is different so everyone may have to make their own agreements. With that said I do know that…
Women tend to respect men more who can show an ability to protect and provide because it gives them a sense of security.
So I’m sure most women won’t object to the man offering to pay the mortgage or rent. Ultimately just communicate about it and do what’s best for the couple.
What’s your vision for your brand? Where do you see yourself a year from now? 5 years from now?
My vision is to continue impacting lives, relationships, and communities by growing my platform and spreading my messages with the masses. I would love to use different vehicles to do this such as speaking in front of even larger crowds, holding worldwide tours, and possibly getting more opporutnies to do more television appearances.
I see more books, webinars, and seminars, and maybe one day I just want to help all of us do better and be better in life and in love.
In the next few years my goal is to just go continue teaching people how to love through whatever platforms that are made available to me.
My mission is better people=better mates=better relationship=better communities so however I can do that through my gifts I will!
Anything you would like to add?
I just want to thank you for the opportunity to speak with your audience and to share some of my thoughts! I hope your audience enjoys the interview and will be moved to seek more information about me and my movement by visiting my website at www.xklusivethoughts.com. Also I encourage everyone to check out my book that is changing lives all over the world called Teach Me How To Love: Why What You Don’t Know Will Hurt You via Amazon or Kindle or at www.TeachMeHow2Love.com.
To keep up more with Troy you can follow him on Twitter/Instagram @xklusive5, don’t forget to tell him the ladies from pretty girl, Smarter Woman sent you!
If you found Troy’s advice inspiring + thought provoking please share this interview with your favorites on Twitter and Facebook (share buttons down below). Remember sharing is caring.